Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
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