im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
