ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
