The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
