I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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