thus making me awesome and them whores
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
The beer is more important than you right now.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
