If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
They took my balls.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
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