forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize