I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
