just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Randomize
