I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
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