Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(770): View more from Georgia

I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.

Fav 24 1078 4481
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(501): View more from Arkansas

i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there

Fav 17 5100 908
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(404): View more from Georgia

Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.

Fav 13 1442 5122
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(917): View more from New York City

just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.

Fav 23 6596 967
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(413): View more from Massachusetts

he asked me to hangout with him...and his son

Fav 17 1172 5553
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(905): View more from Ontario

If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.

Fav 21 1456 4630
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(630): View more from Illinois

yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed

Fav 6 1342 3240
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(520): View more from Arizona

i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.

Fav 8 1641 775
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(305): View more from Florida

where are my eyebrows?

Fav 0 8 37
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