TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
