My Higher Power is John Stamos
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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