no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
