Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
