There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
