I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
