I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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