So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
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