What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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