can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize