maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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