Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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