oh god the rape fog is back!
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
