I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize