I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
