conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Your shirt... Was in my pants
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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