having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
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