I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
