shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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