i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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