dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
