My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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