kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Randomize
