drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
