It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
