You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
