When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Randomize
