remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
