I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
