fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
