I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize