i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
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