and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize