how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
