I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize