I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
