I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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