We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
