so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
