When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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