The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
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