she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
