I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
areolas are like halos for boobs.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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