Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
