She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
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