my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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