And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
