omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
