i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
