Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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