four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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