Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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