I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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