Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
