I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Holy sore nipples Batman
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
