I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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