I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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