It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
