apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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