These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Enjoy the penises
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
