So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I need moral support for this bender
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
