if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
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