Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
