Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
