Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
