I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
